My Mind Wonders

Not trying to compare my life with yours Lord, but did you ever just feel alone? When you were surrounded by those you loved and loved you; when throngs of people came for miles just to hear you speak; did you ever feel…out of it? Like an aimless wanderer, talking to your Father…just wanting to go your way, do what you came to do and then leave this place so that you could go back to your Father? Did you ever find yourself here but not, aware but so much more there than here…alert, but aloof here? And did you think that it would be that way even home, where angels don’t walk the way you do, where saints cannot cry over the things you’ve experienced? I’m just wondering because the more I love you the more I wander this earth like a stranger in a strange land. The more adversity I face here the greater the peace I walk in, almost like a contradiction. The more I love you the more I see your face in everyone elses and I live in a constant state of heartbreak, longing to reach out to them to touch you, to reach out to you to touch them.

       And I wonder, is it wrong to sense you in the thunder and the rain? Aren’t you associated with sunshine?!?! But–I smile anyway–I sit here in the rain and the thunder and the wind and the lightning and I breathe it in, willing to stake my life on the fact that I was created when it was, somehow, we were breathed into being together…and I know I’m “supposed” to be sunshine and beaches, roses and puppies, but I know you know me and love me, wind and rain, storm and tears, and I love that I can dance and sing my way through it to you.

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