"God did this so they would SEEK HIM and REACH OUT FOR HIM and FIND HIM though He is not far from any one of us." Acts 17:27

When God uses Adam

I’m leaving it behind. I’m leaving all of it behind. I am choosing instead to be who I was created to be, not who I was taught to be. I am done…I will no longer raise my hands and praise God simply because you tell me to; I will no longer take any pastor/leader at their word; I will no longer elevate another Christian above myself or anyone else; I will never picket outside an abortion clinic; I will never ask a person their sexual orientation; I will not blindly give my money to any quote/unquote godly cause….instead I choose Christ. And it is all because of Adam Lambert.

First, a disclaimer: I was already very dissatisfied with the church before the Adam Lambert dispute. It was just the thing that put the nail in the coffin for me, so to speak. I tell people God used Adam Lambert to turn me back to Jesus (that’s an interesting conversation starter). And it is true.

Yes, this was years ago. I am just now willing to talk about it. I have gotten angry enough. Walk with me back a few years, back into my Facebook account. A certain someone in our church began to post her Adam Lambert support. She always had his videos up from the nights previous performances. Though she and I were only acquaintances I was a huge Adam fan, so it caught my eye and one day after service I asked her about one of his performances to which she promptly informed me that she didn’t like him anymore because he was gay.

nail. in. coffin.

This upset me for several reasons:

1. At this point in time, Adam had not yet confirmed he was gay. I think we all had our suspicions but this was a speculation. I was not aware that we as Christians were allowed to base our support or lack of on gossip.

2. I did not realize Christians were not allowed to support non-Christians.

3. I’m sorry, is this “Who is the better Christian Idol?” or is this supposed to be about who is the better singer/entertainer?

…and anyway, how does one find out who is the better Christian exactly? Kris Allen who might claim to be a Christian (and I don’t know if he has or has not)? Is Adam not a Christian because he is gay? Is that automatic? Thank God that doesn’t apply to adulterer, or fornicator, or liar, or thief, all of which could apply to me at different points in my life…but doesn’t it?

I literally stood there with the most shocked look on my face. She seemed to sense my disagreement on the issue though nothing was ever said because she never really talked to me after that. It quickly became apparent that I had “come out” as an Adam supporter because soon after that someone else asked me, in the guise of a joke of course, how I could support him because he was gay. I made the argument that we didn’t know he was in fact gay; he laughed and made his comments; I said even if he were what did that matter? To which he informed me that it was a sin…well… so is GOSSIP. So is PRIDE. So is TOSSING ONE ANOTHER TO THE TRASH BECAUSE YOU DON’T AGREE WITH THEM. (the biblical term here would be “not walking in love.”)

And what about playing God? Not sure if it’s sinful to role-play God, but it’s at least not correct.

And that is what it comes down to. I am not God. It is not my job to convict someone of anything– I cannot do it. It is not my job to search out someone’s motives and weigh their circumstances– I cannot do it. Even Jesus said

” mind your own business”  (John 21:22) and “get the 2×4 out of your own eye before you start pulling the speck of dust out of someone else’s” (Luke 6:41)

–paraphrasing is my own–

And that’s just it. SO WHAT. Adam’s life is between him and God.

I turned to God with a lot of questions after American Idol. When Kris Allen won I cried “Christian conspiracy!” and swore off the show. Disclaimer #2: Kris Allen is an awesome artist. This isn’t about bashing Kris Allen. If someone voted for him based on the fact that they thought he was the better singer/entertainer then that’s great. I love his rendition of “Heartless” and play it constantly on my Spotify. #votedforadam

The Jesus I have come to know doesn’t loath homosexuals. You won’t find him distancing himself to a corner when they walk into a room, or taking their pictures down from his Facebook page. And Jesus isn’t interested in what you think about Adam either because when it comes to Adam or (insert name here) it is Him and them.

Might I dare venture out and say I picture God as any other father true to the name, proud and pointing out all the accomplishments:

“Listen to him sing! Have you ever heard such a powerful voice?”

“He’s up next, everybody be quiet!”

“Check out his style! I couldn’t pull it off, but he looks great doesn’t he?”

“That’s my boy.”

I had to come out of church to be the church after that. I realized that I am interested in truth, love, Jesus– I am not interested in the gospel of your opinion. And I wonder how many of me there are out there.


My Mind Wonders

Not trying to compare my life with yours Lord, but did you ever just feel alone? When you were surrounded by those you loved and loved you; when throngs of people came for miles just to hear you speak; did you ever feel…out of it? Like an aimless wanderer, talking to your Father…just wanting to go your way, do what you came to do and then leave this place so that you could go back to your Father? Did you ever find yourself here but not, aware but so much more there than here…alert, but aloof here? And did you think that it would be that way even home, where angels don’t walk the way you do, where saints cannot cry over the things you’ve experienced? I’m just wondering because the more I love you the more I wander this earth like a stranger in a strange land. The more adversity I face here the greater the peace I walk in, almost like a contradiction. The more I love you the more I see your face in everyone elses and I live in a constant state of heartbreak, longing to reach out to them to touch you, to reach out to you to touch them.

And I wonder, is it wrong to sense you in the thunder and the rain? Aren’t you associated with sunshine?!?! But–I smile anyway–I sit here in the rain and the thunder and the wind and the lightning and I breathe it in, willing to stake my life on the fact that I was created when it was, somehow, we were breathed into being together…and I know I’m “supposed” to be sunshine and beaches, roses and puppies, but I know you know me and love me, wind and rain, storm and tears, and I love that I can dance and sing my way through it to you.